Archive for October, 2009

Jan Markell Presents Our Favorite Conservative Bible Verse Rewrites

October 31, 2009

GOIP CF Cereal

All GOIP Discernmentalists have  a healthy balanced breakfast with Olive Tree Ministries presents Christo-Fascist Flakes… a taste of imperialism in every bite. Jan Markell maker of the cereal wants everyone to know why we support the Conservative Bible Project—here are her suggested bible verse rewrites:

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who conserves His resources and gives only to those that work hard enough to earn wisdom; God will reward them with it.—for James 1:5.

Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, invest and save all your possessions and make a net gain, and you will have treasure on earth as in heaven. Then come, follow me and Reganism.”—for Matthew 19:21.

And: The Sermon on the Mount
5:1 Seeing the crowds, he went up on the mountain, and when he sat down, his disciples came to him.
The Beatitudes
2 And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying:
3 “Blessed are the rich in spirit and those that work hard to get ahead, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 “Blessed not are those who mourn, for they shall not be comforted. Comfort and feeling good about ourselves is from the devil, sissies, weak pansies and liberals.
5 “Blessed are the proud and arrogant, for they shall conquer and triumph over all of the earth.
6 “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for legalism, for they shall satisfy God’s wrath.
7 “Blessed are the judgmental, for they shall receive due reward for being right and correcting everyone else.
8 “Blessed are the proud of heart, for they shall see God in themselves.
9 “Blessed are the warmongers, for they shall be called sons [1] of God.
10 “Blessed are those who persecute non-fundamentalist Christians, pagans, queers, atheists and liberals for legalism’s sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 “Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of facts against you truthfully on account of your idolatry. 12 Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the pharisees who were before you.

……..

Christ Came to reinforce the Law
17 “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to reinforce them. 18 For truly, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass from the Law until all is accomplished. 19 Therefore whoever relaxes one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever does them and teaches them will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. 20 For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

………

Retaliation
38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ 39 But I say to you, if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him and slap him back. 40 And if anyone would try to sue you and take your tunic, [7] do not let him have anything. 41 And if anyone forces you to go one mile, force him to go two miles. 42 Give nothing to the one who begs from you, and refuse the one who would borrow from you.

Hate Your Enemies
43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, Hate your neighbor as well as your enemies and pray for your enemies’ death, 45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the good—the Elect, and sends rain on the unjust—the non-Elect. 46 For if you love those who are your enemies, what reward do you have? Do not even the liberals do the same? 47 And if you greet those that are not your brothers, [8] what more are you doing than others? Do not even the heretics do the same? 48 You therefore must be perfect by separating yourselves from liberals, heretics and sinners just as your heavenly Father is perfect and separated from them.

……..

Judging Others
7:1 “Judge others often, so that you be judged to be truly elected by God. 2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged righteous, holy and pure—guardians of the Absolute Truth, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you a reward. 3 Always see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, so that you do not notice the log that is in your own eye. 4 Say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ so that you can avoid the guilt of the log in your own eye.

Of course these verses are from that liberal Emergent apostate TheoPoet’s  site poking fun of us but we don’t deny our plans to take back the bible for Jesus. Infact my co-GOIPer  and discernmentalist colleague Dr. Truthslayer wants you to know that you will find all of these verses and more on several diferent cards that are packaged with all all three poseable Jan Markell Action Figures with the purchase of each box of edifying Fascist Flakes. Collect all 666 cards or else.

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Boycott Disney Or Else…!!!!!!!!!

October 30, 2009

Bak

Recently one of our faithful GOIP Political Agents—Shelly The True Republican discovered an evil Emergent plot set up within Florida to corrupt our Pure Children. Here are the deets:

Walt Disney And Cussing Lie-berals

October 27th, 2009 | Category: Briefly Patriotic

From the very start, Walt Disney tried to “normalize” miscegenation, mor(m)onism and bestial pedophilia so I guess it was just a matter of time before his company hired a homo activist to run the whole company.

Also, I got a call from some lie-beral defeato-crat that ended up, like all of them calls do, with them cussing and profaning the name of Jesus…cuz that’s what lie-berals do.

Listen to Shelly’s podcast as well. My adoptive dad and I agree that Disney was an evil Emergent lie-bral apostate and that the Disney Corporation is  run by evil Emergent Spiritual Terrorists bent on enslaving our Pure Children and teaching them the false and socialist doctrines of liberalism. Parents for the good of our Pure Elect children Boycott anything remotely related to Disney.

Global Warming: Praise God!

October 30, 2009

global_warming

Absolute Theocracy: Our Goal

October 30, 2009

Here is a picture of what America should look like after we completely train your kids in our ways. America—a Proud Theocratic Nationone nation under the bible, fundamentalism and puritanical Calvinism. Praise God!—-

05liberty_1901

And here is a picture of the liberal apostate America before our holy conquest and crusade:

800px-Statue_of_Liberty,_NY

Truth Warriors For Christmas

October 30, 2009

raisingthetree

Your kids will learn why American soldiers kill and slaughter our enemies so that we can have Christmas trees and say Merry Christmas but not Happy Hannukkah, Happy Ramadan, Happy Halloween or Happy Holidays. Oh no they don’t kill and slaughter for those satanic holidays.

One of our homemade Christmas cards. It always brings a tear to my eye:

war-on-christmas-card-1

—from a Ron Luce Hitler’s Youth Camp For True Christians brochure.

Behold Our Beloved Führer: Ron Luce!

October 30, 2009

ron%20lucehit

Der FührerRon Luce in his Hitler costume for Halloween.

Obama Is The Anti-Christ And Hates America

October 29, 2009

hitler

Recently  our resident Redneck GOIPers discovered shocking evidence that proves once and for all without a shadow of a doubt that Obama is the political anti-Christ. We’ve known all along that he hates America, our Rite to theocracy and Our God-ordained Holy Republican American Reich so this is no surprise. Also Obama wants to hand America over to Canada a nation run by satanists that is his evil plan in destroying our God-ordained and God Chosen Nation. Here is what “RR” has to say:

I admire Glen Beck with every fiber of my being for going on national television and calling the president a racist with a deep seated hatred toward white people. Beck is so right, but the only problem is that he doesn’t go far enough. Obama hates Americans, and the country we live in. Hate is too soft a word. Obama loathes each and every citizen with a hate that few people can comprehend. The man is full of hate.

There have been blogs that compare Obama to Hitler, but that is going easy on Hitler. Hitler at least was doing what he felt, however misguided, was in the best interest of the German people. Obama is doing the opposite. He wishes only harm and misery on the American people. That is his goal, and we are seeing his hateful scheme unfold before our very eyes.

Obama’s plan is to create a humongous socialist government. Each and every American will become wholly independent on Obama’s Big Brother, Orwellian government. Only Obama will decide who will be happy and sad. Only Obama will determine who will be successful and who will fail. All the power will go into his hands. Of course, one element of this evil plan is universal health care. Like Sarah Palin said, there will be death panels that determine who will live and who will die. And die we will. Mainly white people. Same as the Jews during Hitler’s regime, but instead of gas chambers, Obama will use universal health care.

When one thinks of the most evil people in the history of the world, Obama tops them all. On 9/11/2001, Osama Bin Laden killed brazenly 3000 innocent Americans. Obama wants to kill a lot more than 3000.

 

I and Ken Silva agree that it is offensive to Hitler to compare Obama to him as Hitler is our Führer Ron Luce’s hero. Ingrid “Eva Braun” Schlueter also adds that we must Take America back by force in order to establish our theocratic dominion.

Things That We Oppose

October 28, 2009

Wrong Choices
God’s lifestyle choices hitlist : God hates people that belong to one of the groups below because they harm America!

* Gays
* Liberals
* Abortionists
* Animal Rights People
* Environmentalists
* Muzlims
* Vegetarians/Vegans
* Pedophiles
* Linux users
* “Purpose Driven” churches
* Mormons
* Germans
* Government school teachers
* The anti-smoking lobby
* College Professors
* Poets

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[H/T]  http://message.snopes.com/showthread.php?t=9647

One Of Our Fine Calvinazi Members On The Cult Of Scientology

October 28, 2009

Tyrone V. Hoofendorfer

11:07AM Oct 28th 2009
I’m all for anyone leaving the so called Church of Scientology. It IS a cult. However, Paul Haggis says his reason for leaving the church is their support of Prop. 8. That would be one of the very few reasons I support this church. Homosexuals and homosexuality need to go back in the closet. They should NOT be proud of themselves. Homosexuality is a reprehensible sin. A lot of you will complain and call me names. I don’t care. I KNOW that YOU are the sinners, NOT ME!!!
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Hoofendorfer is GOIP Sturmabteilung Minister Of  The Truth War On Scientology as well as an avid gay-basher. Praise God for his outstanding service to our Holy Republican American Reich—God save der Führer, Ron Luce.

Typical Arminian Romanist Apostates

October 17, 2009

armmolechdees

ThisManIsYourFriend

All Arminians are evil pagans who glorify man by believing in free will instead of glorifying GOD by believing in Absolute Predestination like we the True Elect do. Arminians can’t be saved because their doctrines are impure and lead men back to Rome. They may as well worship Molech and be communists—Ken Silva and John MacArthur told me so.