Dear Dr. Jobson,
I am a new follower of your site and the Online Discernmentalist Mafia… from what I’ve viewed so far I’m impressed but have a few quick questions for you:
Could you please tell me your standing on the 5 points of Calvinism? Do you believe in TULIP? The “Divines of Dort?” Just what manner of Calvinists are you and the rest of the crew of your fine d-i-s-s-e-r-n-m-e-n-t ministries?
Signed,
A concerned reader—I. R. Monkey
———————————————————————————————-
Dear I. R. Monkey,
We assure you by our eternally secured elect salvation that we are among the highest pedigree of Calvinists. We know that we are among the Regenerate Predestined Elect for whom God chose from the foundation of the world to send His son for and to limit His atonement for—all out of His good pleasure of course and all for His glory. You see our God the True God is a jealous and vain God who needs and doesn’t need humans at the same time—but He doesn’t need just any humans—He needs Divine Truth Warrior humans. He doesn’t need Arminians, Emergents and Catholics, etc. however.
This was why we were unable to resist His great wrath rape hate grace in electing us as Truth Warriors. We not only believe in the 5 points of Calvinism that John MacArthur and Ken Silva and all our other fellow ODMs hold to but we also believe in the 4 extra points of Calvinism that all ODMs hold in common as well though we are still 1 point behind Sharin’ Whiplash. We also believe in all 5 Solas alone so you see we are above and beyond your average Calvinist for we are True Bible-Based Calvinists. We only hope that you will one day come to unconditionally accept our Pure Doctrines and teachings as Absolute Truth. We also hope through your total inability that you unconditionally accept our conditions of repentance and belief lest you be among the unregenerate reprobated non-elect sinners chosen to bear God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath in the “real place” that is hell. We hope that clears up where we stand.
In the wide mercy of His loving wrath,
Dr. Don Jobson
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Tags: Homebrewed Theocracy, Ken Silva Related, Online Discernmentalist Mafia, Ways of the Master Religion Discernmentalism, wrath, Wretched
This entry was posted on June 30, 2010 at 7:23 pm and is filed under Absolute Biblical Truth, Absolute Certainty, Absolute Truth, Absolute Truth War, American Gospel, And they will know that we are True Christians by our Pure Doctrines!, Arminians go to hell, Arminians will burn, b/w Truth worldview, Babylonian hordes, backbone, Bah humbug!, bible-centrism, bibliolatry isn't idolatry, bow down to!, Calvinazis, Calvinism is the Gospel, Calvinism=True Christianity, Calvinolatry isn't idolatry, Camp on this, coercion of faith, collateral damage, Defemation, Deformata, Deformed, Deformed Reader, Divisionism, Dortian, ear tickles, Essential/Non-Essential, False Vs. True Converts, Gnostic, God is Hate not love, God's Absolute Glory, God's Sovereign Wrath, Grace Community Church, grace hating man lovers, Hoofendorfer's Law Of Discernmentalism, I'm saved and you're not, I*segesis, ignorance is bliss!, Jerks For Jesus, John Calvin, Johnny Mac---"that old lie of liberalism", Jonny Mac---"that old line of liebralism", Judgementalism, judgmental, Ken Silva, Ken Slither, legalism, legalists, Lutherans aren't Calvinistic enough to be True Christians!, lying for Jesus, lying for the Truth's sake, No Grace for You!, OD Mafia endorsed, Our Holy Republican American Reich, Our Master Plans, Our slaves, Pelagian, Penal Substitutionary Atonement, Penile Substitution, poop slides, Poop Wars, Poster Boy!, Postmodern Unbelievers, Postmodernism, Pure Bible-teaching, Pure Doctrines, Puritan scrooges, Purposeless Driven Life, Republicans are born Elect, Rhoblogy, Rhology, S(aved)B(y)C(alvinism), Saint John MacArthur, Saint John Piper, Say no to Religious Liberty., Sedewhitehousists, Self-righteous, Semi-Donatism, setting the standard, Sharin' Whiplash, Sharon M. Whitley, Sharon Whitley, Sharon Witless, Sinless Elect, sinners, so get over it, Sovereign Wrath Community Church, Spotless we, Spread the fear!, Spread the hate!, Spurgeon Gold, spying for Jesus, spying for the Truth, Synods of Dordect, Take A Stand, The Bible is God/Jesus/inerrant, The Theocratic Calvinist Christian Fascist Party, torture is biblical, torture is good, True Bible-Believing Christians, True Republicans, Truthslayer commended; Itodyaso backed and approved, We are inerrant, We are not idiots you reprobates!, We Are Robot Puppet Zombies On The Strings Of Our Angry Sovereign God Of Vengeful Wrath, We Know!, We love Theocracy!, We're always Right, We're not bigots you reprobates!, We're not like them., We're Right because We're Right Wing!, We’re better than you because we’re Saved and you’re not, We’re faster than heretics, we’re stronger than you, we’re stronger than you because we’re Truly on God’s side., What God loves, Wrath not love, You are errant. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
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June 30, 2010 at 11:46 pm |
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